the attitude of faith

it takes a lot of guts to overcome the fear of failing and or rejection. these past few days, i was torn between two opposing forces that could ruin both friendship and on one of my org's responsibility. my impulse was to settle in ignoring the situation and just leaving it behind, the "come what may" scenario got me into the mood, "let it pass" thinking is my first reaction. but as the hours passed, my mind races into unsettling disturbance.


then i decided to have a choice... in the back of my mind, i planned to just leave the situation behind. that is, to go unnoticed and not involved into deeper public relations with friends and at the same time ignoring my responsibilities in one of the org i'm in.


yet as i lay down i bed that night, the footprints of worries and conscience of guilty feeling was the last of emotions i felt as i've entered dreamland. Despite my mind saying "settle down",  "it's already planned", "just wait for the realization, it's going to be alright"; somewhere deeper in me, an attitude tells me that it's not right to abandon such responsibilities. and i slept with that thought in the back of my head.


i woke up around 9:30am, not too much time to consider if i will change plans and fulfill my responsibilities, yet this strong will of purpose jolted out like a burst of energy within me to reverse the plan.. to change it the last minute and go back as the normal guy to attend this and do this as it was expected of me.


i just can't resist the urge to fulfill my duty that i was able to prepare myself in 15 minutes and took the taxi and all went i go. 


this small phase of scenario in my life that i've shared is somewhat extraordinary, as i was inside the cab, thinking what has gone wrong? why i am back again and not sticked to the plan last night kept me thinking all through out, not only from my ride but even after the event. when i went home, writing this blog, it occurred to me the realization of having the attitude to fight for what is evil and prevail from it. i was searching the right context of how this realization got through. i was forming the right word that could best describe what has happened... 


and i call it faith. 


how about you? has it ever occurred to you dismissing such a plan made-up, only to flip it in the end?








posted by MAC