Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Art of Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it"
- Mark Twain

How would you react if you incidentally committed an ego-crushing sin to someone close to you?

Well, it could be on the extremes, the heated confrontation scenario or could be the cold treatment type ala "dead matter" handling. But both of the above would definitely lead to a snapping end of a friendship if not resolved properly.

Everyone of us is bound to committing mistakes, errors, faults and sins. From all the people we interact each day in our lives, it's undenying that mistakes do happen, incidentally or accidentally. Doing it incidentally or pre-meditated (in the sense that you know that it's wrong but you still enacted it) gets a much more higher rate of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness is somewhat pride-altering to most, some consider it as a challenge to overcome the bar of  hurt ego, unwanting to surrender or the fear of vanquishing disdain/scorn (cuz this feeling served 'em as a shield in retaliation for the severe damage inflicted in their feelings).

There are two parties involved in a quarrel or a dispute:
a. the offender
b. the victim

Normally, the victim would hate, despise (or whatever you wanna call it) the offender due to the inconvenience and wrongdoings he/she received.

And normally (again), the victim would then anticipate for an approach of reconciliation from the offender of which the victim could either do two things:
1. do not give a pardon
2. provide forgiveness

In contrast, the offender normally do not have the guts to enact an affair of reconciliation to the victim (it could be a plan in the mind only, but it's quite hard to put it into action) in an ASAP basis. And so the dispute is further delayed in resolution.

And the hardest part of it all on the side of the offender is to say the words "i'm sorry"... "please forgive me".  Hahaha! it's true as the song goes from Elton John.. "Sorry seems to be the hardest word".

Well, THE ABOVE SCENARIO is the usual and norm that is happening in the facts of life. However, i want to share to you a tenet i learned two decades back of which i'm still following whenever i'm confronted with this kinds of situations in life .. this i consider the art of forgiveness.

Given the two characters above, if i'm in the shoes of the offender, i won't wait an overnight to pass in expressing my thoughts of repentance. In short, immediately ask for forgiveness. State my case, accept my faults, declare my being sorry for what i've done and sincerely ask for compassion and forgiveness. (it's easier said than done, true! but if you make this a motivational habit, results are beneficial)

On the other hand, if i am in the shoes of the victim. (you might think this is insane) Normally i'd be the one to approach the offender, state and convey my feelings about the rudeness or inconvenience i received and aim for a closure and reconciliation of the dispute. Meaning, to mend whatever bad feelings has arisen, to maintain good relations, and in effect; offender spontaneously deliver his/her words of repentance and pleads for forgiveness.

While it's true that everyone of us has the right to decide whether to forgive or not to forgive; to break or mend a friendship; to extend virtues or totally cut the essence of bonding t'was once formed, ain't it easier and lighter if we go and dwell on the positive side? Not on resentment and despicability; not on remorse and hatred.... but on camaraderie and love.

Let me leave this famous quote to you... "to err is human, to forgive is divine"


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