Guest post by Aris
Death
is a five letter word which most of us fear, some deny it, others accept it as an inescapable process of life. There are those who were affected with so much grief, they think they'd never be able to cope, wallowing in the rhythm of lamentation and sorrow.
As for me, I experienced turmoil and being challenged by the passing of my loved ones several times. Twice of those
experiences almost broke me, leaving me a lifeless soul who lives in uncertainty, weltering in tears. But as I faced to move on and continue the journey, I slowly
learned that death is an inevitable reality that no one can escape, that death shall always be the constant equalizer among us- the inhabitants of this earth.
I would like to
share the three experiences I had, dealing with the death of important people
in my life and how each experience changed me to be a better person.
I had the first blow of unmatched sadness when my grandmother
died. She was diagnosed with cancer and was given a year to live. It had
been difficult for me to realize the truth that she will be gone for good, Why? Because my grandma has been the instrument in raising me as a child. The fact that i was a teenager when this happened didn't reduce a bit of impact with my sorrow and pain. She has been my constant shelter, my provider not only in times of need but she's the one where i turn to when trials come my way. My sadness was indescribable but i had the courage to accept it easily. Maybe because I was still young, and was
very brave to face any hardships in life. We still enjoyed her company for two
more years until her final day came. I remember feeling pain in the first few
months. But after that, I was able to easily move on with my life.
The
second instance of experiencing a loss was truly heart wrenching, it was the day when my husband
died. We were on the process of fulfilling our dreams as a couple when he was
diagnosed of kidney failure. Both kidneys shrunk - a renal breakdown. His body cannot afford to undergo dialysis. I felt like everything was just
being slapped onto my face and I cannot do anything to improve the situation.
This time, it hit me big time and really broke me, not into pieces, but bit by bit of each
broken pieces. My heart and mind went numb, unable to console myself just by thinking of his early departure in this life. I thought I would never make it, i was falling deeply into an infinite abyss of hopelessness due to the excruciating pain and sadness. When the heart is broken, it's as if the mind dictates that it's worthless to live any longer. I was thankful that there's a flicker of hope that was left in me. I nurtured that hope and has undergone with the enduring process of grieving and moving on.
True as it is, all wounds are healed by time. After several years of trying to
face it, I finally started feeling happy again. I was able get back my desire
to live. I will never be the same person as I once was, but I know that those losses made me stronger. Reality bites, wounds heal and they would leave scars.
The
third instance that death found a way to challenge me was when one of my closest
friends died just recently. I was starting to heal from my past wounds
when my friend so suddenly died of dengue six days after obtaining it. She was
one of those people who helped me when I lost my husband and was always ready
to provide motherly affections. I literally cried the whole day and was not
able to sleep after I found out. I felt like I was dying too at that time. I
was not able to go to work and consumed three big bars of chocolates just to
feel better. I felt like I grieved not only for her, but also for the past
losses that I had. Luckily, after mourning for one whole day, I felt better. I
began to accept that everything that has life will experience death. And
everything that breathe will one day stop breathing.
Each day, i realize how I treasure and put more value in companionship and give importance to relationships. I cannot afford living
without building special connections to people. But I came to learn that
connections and love should come from one's self.
We must understand that life is
process, and death is a kismet of life. It is true that it crashes our spirits when we
need to deal with the loss of our loved ones. But we should realize that at
anytime, in any place and in any manner, death can come to anyone - like a thief in the night.
-Aris
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