Wanderlust in Crossing

Cover and veil me with your utmost kindness

For I wish to be invisible from darkness

My heart implores your mercy

May your righteousness come to me

The flesh is but weak and helpless

That is why I seek thee under duress

Extend thy pity onto me

For I but humble and lowly

Let it pass these temptations fire

Yield me not to the cliff of dire

 -MAC

Happy Birthday Jhelly (2012)

Here's a toast for yah... a gorgeous happy birthday to you this 23rd of November 2012 - Jhelly Ann Suguitan.

your cousin
MAC

Street Child in a Slumber

On my way to for an early breakfast at 3 in the morning, i was struck by the image below.
Be thankful on the small things ... for these are the fleeting moments where your life composes most.

-Mac

of Death and Moving On

Guest post by Aris

Death is a five letter word which most of us fear, some deny it, others accept it as an inescapable process of life. There are those who were affected with so much grief, they think they'd never be able to cope, wallowing in the rhythm of lamentation and sorrow. 

As for me, I experienced turmoil and being challenged by the passing of my loved ones several times. Twice of those experiences almost broke me, leaving me a lifeless soul who lives in uncertainty, weltering in tears. But as I faced to move on and continue the journey, I slowly learned that death is an inevitable reality that no one can escape, that death shall always be the constant equalizer among us- the inhabitants of this earth. 

I would like to share the three experiences I had, dealing with the death of  important people in my life and how each experience changed me to be a better person.

I had the first blow of unmatched sadness when my grandmother died. She was diagnosed with cancer and was given a year to live. It had been difficult for me to realize the truth that she will be gone for good, Why? Because my grandma has been the instrument in raising me as a child. The fact that i was a teenager when this happened didn't reduce a bit of impact with my sorrow and pain. She has been my constant shelter, my provider not only in times of need but she's the one where i turn to when trials come my way. My sadness was indescribable but i had the courage to accept it easily. Maybe because I was still young, and was very brave to face any hardships in life. We still enjoyed her company for two more years until her final day came. I remember feeling pain in the first few months. But after that, I was able to easily move on with my life.

The second instance of experiencing a loss was truly heart wrenching, it was the day when my husband died. We were on the process of fulfilling our dreams as a couple when he was diagnosed of kidney failure. Both kidneys shrunk - a renal breakdown. His body cannot afford to undergo dialysis. I felt like everything was just being slapped onto my face and I cannot do anything to improve the situation. This time, it hit me big time and really broke me, not into pieces, but bit by bit of each broken pieces. My heart and mind went numb, unable to console myself just by thinking of his early departure in this life. I thought I would never make it, i was falling deeply into an infinite abyss of hopelessness due to the excruciating pain and sadness. When the heart is broken, it's as if the mind dictates that it's worthless to live any longer. I was thankful that there's a flicker of hope that was left in me. I nurtured that hope and has undergone with the enduring process of grieving and moving on.

True as it is, all wounds are healed by time. After several years of trying to face it, I finally started feeling happy again. I was able get back my desire to live. I will never be the same person as I once was, but I know that those losses made me stronger. Reality bites, wounds heal and they would leave scars.

The third instance that death found a way to challenge me was when one of my closest friends died just recently.  I was starting to heal from my past wounds when my friend so suddenly died of dengue six days after obtaining it. She was one of those people who helped me when I lost my husband and was always ready to provide motherly affections. I literally cried the whole day and was not able to sleep after I found out. I felt like I was dying too at that time. I was not able to go to work and consumed three big bars of chocolates just to feel better. I felt like I grieved not only for her, but also for the past losses that I had. Luckily, after mourning for one whole day, I felt better. I began to accept that everything that has life will experience death. And everything that breathe will one day stop breathing.

Each day, i realize how I treasure and put more value in companionship and give importance to relationships. I cannot afford living without building special connections to people. But I came to learn that connections and love should come from one's self.

We must understand that life is process, and death is a kismet of life. It is true that it crashes our spirits when we need to deal with the loss of our loved ones. But we should realize that at anytime, in any place and in any manner, death can come to anyone - like a thief in the night.

-Aris

(click here to visit the Facebook page of the author)

Happy Birthday Mother...

November 18, 2012 - a beautiful Sunday, hot, but with the breeze of November caressing our faces, these winds will bring my thoughts, longings and best wishes to you despite the distance. So here's my poem dedicated to you..

Dearest Mother

I've always thought about you these days

for how long since we've seen each other?

months... years already.

i've forgotten the last spoken words

when we had our goodbyes

but your smile...

the last time i saw you

has been imprinted in my heart

Dearest Mother

i know, life has never been that easy

deep inside, and behind your grin and laughter

i could feel the weight and the tinge of forbearance

yet you never showed to us, the weaknesses

instead, you showed us how to care

you strove to show us the goodness in life

you instilled the virtues of lawfulness

you taught us how to survive

Dearest Mother

i missed you so much

that i want to bring you in my embrace

and hug you tightly in my arms

i may have not said those magic words all the time

you may have thought i never cared

yet in my heart i wish to be the best before you

to please and bring honor to you

albeit in little and subtle ways

Dearest Mother

I could never thank you enough

for your unending concern,

for the sacrifices you braved

despite the fragility

for the support in times of sadness

although we are only forlorn

for believing in our own capacity

yet we are only lowly

for the love

despite we're physically apart

Dearest Mother

Maybe your grey hair is now apparent

i could still remember when i was a child

that you'd ask me to pluck one of those

a lot more similar to those memories

made me realize suddenly

to be with you in your older years

to care for you

that it's now turn to serve

Dearest Mother

Worry not for i'd always be there

you may not see me as often now

but my heart goes with you nonetheless

that i've always prayed for your better health

that though we are apart

may you always take care of yourself

so that when the time will come

that we'll see each other again

i would say....

Dearest Mother,

i love you so much.

Mother,

If you're reading this, have a great happy birthday! I apologize for not fulfilling my promise to be with you this week of the year 2012 to celebrate your birthday. I'm sorry for i chose to be with my work, i'm sorry that it's too late to change my decisions. But all along, you know how much i love you. In prayers and in thoughts, we are one. May you take care of yourself and your health always and most of all, the faith you have instilled to me.

- Billy Mac

November 18, 2012