Dearest Father...

Dearest Father,

Many times i thought you're harsh to me
impending judgment of mine so negatively
like thoughts unspoken
questions unanswered
wishes sworn under breath
things like these
you ignored
and left me tameless

they say i got your talent
the piercing coldness
i felt
or was i just paranoid?
they say i got your manners
yet i never believe
i was reared
so close and so perfect
by your wishes
or your actions
not even by your commandments

years went on,
i never had the chance
to speak
i never had the chance
to tell you
how much i love you
despite the gaps
despite the silence
in between
where barrier
is growing
each day...

then one day,
i didnt know
i began detesting you
unnoticed
yet the nerves
are pulsating, strong
and seem endless
etching, carving
in my heart
the test for loneliness

two decades,
we seldom see each other anymore
phone calls,
are just away
but you can count on my fingers
how many times we've talked...
i sensed,
i was busy
i knew
it was a cul de sac
to reach you?
i'll try...

then one night,
in the hubbubs
of this world
something
is echoing
in my heart...
to let go
and be brave,
to forgive
and forget,
to be compassionate
and to understand

it took me courage
to fly the miles we've created
to bridge the ends t'was built
somehow, agony
and pain is subdued
overthrown by power
of Love
filled and amplified
by blood..
by nature's way
of resolution
of reconciliation

though pride is lost,
on the ground
beaten and sunken!
yet, the price
is an enormous relief
to know
that im at peace
with You, My Father..
everdearest!


Happy Father's Day Dad...







~

Jogging

For the first time in June this year, i had my first jog with my buddy Rajesh. I've been procrastinating about doing a walk-around-cum-jog event for the past days. This friend of mine kept on bugging me to join him, it was like the 3rd time i promised and it got broken in the end. Why? Cuz im lazy getting out in bed at 530 in the morning. Today, as i was typing this blog, was able to manage in rising up and finally overcome this lazyness.

We had 25-30 minutes of continuous jogging around the neighborhood's large rectangular open space area. The sun is up already when we started, yet the heat is being unfelt, it was like getting a deja vu. I remember the times where i jogged in Luneta, Quirino Grandstand and the Baywalk in Roxas Boulevard. It feels good!

In the back of my mind, something's sayin that this has got to be processed with consistency. Yup!, injecting consistency in this kind of endeavor is a must so that results could be seen, although it won't show up overnight, i've made at peace with the decision that this must be done 3-4 times a week. Visioning the benefits and believing what is not yet seen are my only motivation at this moment, so that i could be consistent on this new activity.

I came home perspiring profusely, but the sweat made me feel good, it's like asking for more. Francis,(one of my villa mates) saw me and he said jokingly, i thought only fat people are motivated to go on exercising.... I made a good laugh :)

of cigarettes and babies...

"Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health" ... the infamous tagline of cigarette commercials. Smoking by far has the biggest percentage in causing the dreaded lung cancer.

to all those smokers out there, friends and brothers, this is not to threaten you. I myself is a an occasional smoker. I started tasting the carcinogen back in college. I never had to make it a habit. Just purely for fun and for the trip of it.

this (smoke trippin) has continued back in my call center days and till now as an office worker, where occasionally, my friend Jordan would offer a stick or two of Marlboro Lights. I can't say no to it and have to light it and puff...

The frequency of it is relative, based on the impulse of my mood. I haven't finish my "isang kaha" of Lights which was bought two months ago...

I don't have any idea though what is the effect of this long term habit of mine on my health in the long run. Is it worse than a being  passive smoker or the so called sidestream smoke? I found out that passive smokers - those who are non- smokers that inhales the smoke of others by chance or by repeated cases inevitably ((eg) a non-smoker person who lives with smokers in which case, he constantly inhales the smokes of the other person.), have a higher risk of getting a lung cancer. About 30% greater risk is the damage being done. With this fact in mind, i was contemplating, what could be the effect on my case who occasionally smokes? Am i worse compared to the mainstream smokers or the sidestream smokers?

It made me think twice this moment, if i should stop this once in a blue moon habit. To quit or not to quit....

On a segway, checking the video on this post, It seems that the baby being tagged smoking cigar isn't a baby at all. Try to notice his manners and the way he looks and stares, there's an aged maturity on his mannerism and the way his eyes would gaze. 

Honestly, we know the facts, the danger, the effects of this bad habit. We aren't alarmed by it because the returns aren't showing instantly. If only we could psyche - condition our brains "hey! this is bad for you, you gotta see the results soon... beware, you will be able to enjoy your retirement years no more cuz your health is at risk", - easier said than done they say.... as for me, i know what i want, and to enact it is a surer way to consider it done or accomplished.

Smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying. 

I smoke because it's bad, it's really simple

~Damien Hirst

~~

of consistency in seeing a dentist

....on the average, no one seems-to-care, in regularly checking up with the tooth doctor. Prolly, those who can afford goes to their family dentist as scheduled, in contrast to those who are in pain -  is inevitable for them to see the dentist. Why? because the pain is unbearable, i believe it's one of the worst feeling  amongst the bodyaches any human could ever experience. (relive the scene from castaway, when Tom Hanks has to extract his own tooth, oh whoa!!!)

Rule of the thumb as per my folks and my gurus in high school, twice a year is a must in getting your teeth and gums checked up.

Two days back, i had my dental prophylaxis, it felt good, i felt better. I owed the habit of getting my mouth checked up twice in a year through one of the dentists i met, back in 2003 in Sampaloc Metro, Manila. She has inspired me to take care of my gums and my teeth, and since then, it's been a necessity of mine to fix and prevent cavities and tooth decays.

My best experience with a tooth doctor is the lady dentist in Mall of Asia (Borough Clinic) - South Wing part of the complex. She has intensified my yearning to really take good care of my mouth. And i just missed the way she did it. So flawless and caring, i didn't feel pain at all. And that was last year... 2009

Going back to the present, i still want to be thankful for the Filipina dentist who attended me two days back, although it's like "parang biten"... lolz!!! I got used to my dentist in Mall of Asia, i can't help but to compare.

My three things that tops my reason in taking care of the teeth and gums:
- prevents bad breath
- confidence in speaking, conversing in tete-a-tete
- confidence in doing a french kiss

Kindness in words creates confidence. 

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.

 Kindness in giving creates love

 ~ Lao Tzu

~~~

The Longing

And so much of my life has been about returning home and longing for home, 

wanting my children to know about my roots. 

And I thought I can't be the only one to feel this way 

so I thought it would be an interesting topic to explore.

~Sela Ward

The clouds have parted
My heart has winced
And the sun has shined
My mind has dreamed

Chasing fast the shadows
And my feet has sored
Catching real for the winds
And my breath has labored

Nobody said it was easy
how my heart has bled
Let me in now, baby
I'm nowhere to go

Nobody said it was easy
how my mind has known
Let me do it, baby
Don't make me wait so long....





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